i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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