FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize