I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
