my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
