Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
