I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
