the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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