i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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