I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize