you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
