Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
