foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
