Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize