I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
