Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
