Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
