im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just had sex on a roof
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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