Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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