My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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