I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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