I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize