Where are you?
In a non slutty way
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
