I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
