Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
