The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
