Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
