He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
