bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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