Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
