if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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