those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
