Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
