If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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