I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
