Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
