Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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