capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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