barbara walters just said penis...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Randomize
