Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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