Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
