Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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