Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
