I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
