when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
