bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
