I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
