Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
