tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
