Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
