I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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