The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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