My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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