I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
