A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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