He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
