dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
