My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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