oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
