woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
