apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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