I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
