At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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