Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
